I'm not strong enough. I tested myself in a pretty hardcore way last night, and I'm just not strong enough. I made a lot of observations though. It seems most people can't fight and talk at the same time, I guess because they're not used to multitasking in such a way. When I was a child I had to do an impossible amount of things at the same time. But physically, I'm just not tough enough. I held back a lot, I wanted to beat him one on one, in melee, without using my ability too much. Physically I could match his blows in strength, but he was a lot faster than me and I had to rely on my brain to land hits.

In the end he just turned out to be far more skilled, physically. I have to find him, if I find him, he'll be able to train me, I don't care if I have to pay, I need to know what he knows. It's one thing to be able to wipe the floor with a group of thugs by the wave of your hand, it's another to be able to do it up close and personal.

I'm not ready yet, but I'm getting there.

I love kids. I love everything about them. I love how hopeful they are, I love how easy it is to make them smile, I love how when I'm around them, I know they're confident that they're safe. I want to be there on Christmas morning, say a prayer with them on Thanksgiving,  go Trick or Treating with them on Halloween.

I love these kids, I'd die for them.

Everyday Life
Training harder. I don't intend to do anything, but I'm training harder than ever. I train in the early hours of the morning before work, and I train in the late hours at night before bed. I've started taking a nap either in the afternoon, or early in the evening, keeps me fresh. I have three obligations, I may have four soon, but the schedules seem to sync up fine. One of the major tricks is alternating the days I have to train, practice, and study my three primary skills, skills of which I can't mention in order to remain anonymous. Batman always said "It's not how much time you have, it's how you use it". I plan to be badass in all the ways I have to, and not let anyone down.

I read a comic and got a great idea; start shooting myself while wearing a vest. Guess what? It hurts. I've been in Staten kicking down doors of various strengths, I've been occasionally kicking or punching a wall (With something to protect my knuckles). I learned that even if you protect your knuckles when punching something down, you need something to protect your arms. Splinters //hurt//. I'm trying to learn all my limits. I'm also trying to decide on a weapon I would take out with me, if I were going out. I'd definitely be going the non-lethal route.

I'm still trying to think of a good flexible body armor that can be used over all your vitals. A nice helmet too, maybe. But nothing like those FRONTLINE people, too complicated and expensive, but I'd love to look into those things more. Remember, this is just an exorcise, I'm not actually going to //do// any of this. I just wanna see if I can make myself a super heroic badass without actually going out and acting on it.

Protagonists Profile: Patrick Pisani
Name: Patrick Pisani
Age: 28
Occupation: Dentist Assistant
Metahuman Trait: Empathic MT Manipulation
Mother: Angelina Pisani
Father: Parker Pisani
Siblings: Norman Pisani
Series Function: He's arguably the main character. Supposed to be the everyman in the world where alien science and technology have suddenly began falling into the hands and augmenting average people. His character goes through various phases, but right now it seems like they're going back to something more like the first season. With the ending of the fourth season, it seems like Earth is finally gonna make public first contact, so that should be cool. Patrick isn't my favorite character, but Keanu Reeves finally doing a TV role is pretty fresh. Though once again it seems he's "The One".

Capes: To Be or Not To Be?
I'm staring at capes, a few scarfs and an ascot. I designed a lot of stuff, tried a lot, but I don't think it's working very well. I can //make// a cape work, but it's a bit more trouble than it's worth. Ascots are uncomfortable, and a scarf is probably gonna get me killed. I mean, I don't plan to go out and //do// something, I'm just having fun with making a costume. I wonder what kind of cape Batman is wearing that he can just go in and kick ass without getting killed? Must be all the training, like, cape training or something.

There has to be some sort of material that just makes a cape //work//, but maybe capes just aren't meant to be. Who needs a cape anyway? If you're a modern hero, it's all about costume style. When people see you, they think "I'm about to get broken." If I were going out, hypothetically, I guess I could just make sure I'm using the right colors, so then they'd think "We're getting broken by a superhero."

Besides, I doubt people would take a guy seriously who's wearing a cape, unless it was just the most badass cape they ever saw.

Weather Manipulation
I've been thinking of these people lately, the ones who say I don't know what I'm doing, the ones who make assumptions about the way I think. You know, my mother would kill me if I didn't say whom. But those people don't understand. I wish I could tell them that I'm always worrying, that telling me not to worry doesn't help at all, that telling me to suck up the state of the world and do something productive with the feeling doesn't motivate me. No, I take it back, it does motivate me, just not in the way that it does them. So many people I know, they swallow their souls and fight the long depressing uphill battle, trying to do god knows what. Does anyone honestly think that taking out a monster of the week is gonna do anything about the Big Bad?

That's what these people are, these people that my friends fight. They fight monsters of the week, monsters that'll be replaced within days. The Big Bad is the climate of society. The climate has to shift in order to stop the flow of these monsters. You have to cut the head off the Big Bad, shift the winds of the climate, and suddenly you get one step closer to peace. A climate shift doesn't come with posters, it doesn't come with slogans and campaigns, not with raids and protests. A climate shift changes with who's afraid of what at the time. Depending on the social group and what they're currently afraid of, society suddenly changes.

Let's use cats and mice as an example. Cats chase, eat, play with and just generally make a mouse's life as terrible as possible. But then a super mouse comes, rips that cat a new litter hole, and the next thing you know, cats grow a bit wary of all mice. But gradually the cats forget while they were afraid, and in this time of fear they had a chance to work with and get to know the mice, however uneasy this temporary peace was. In the end, they never go back to fighting each other. Whatever treaties they may have had before are no longer needed, because they've become a unified society.

It's all mostly just thoughts from me. I think if most groups spent more time trying to shift society instead of arguing in courts and committing acts of terrorism, they'd get somewhere. If they started popping the pimples from society, the rest of the pimples  will start getting the hint.

Only time will tell. I can't be the only person who doesn't see the world through some strange colored glasses.

Women and violence, in the end, my natural impulses revert back to those things. When I feel bad, stressed, frustrated, I either want to punch someone in the face, or grab the nearest woman. I've been suppressing both urges lately, but I'm starting to think... //why//? Why do I try to control myself when I've been repressed for my entire life? Why do I let anyone judge me and my actions and tell me what's right and wrong? So far, I feel my answer is experience. The average twelve year old has more practical emotional life experience than me. I trust my friends to know what's best, but sometimes I think that maybe I should punch the nearest guy or grab the nearest woman, for my own good. A good friend of mine says it's good to be selfish sometimes, I think I need to do more of that... being selfish, doing things for myself.

Another friend says I'm more obsessed with violence than women, since I seem a lot more prepared for beating the crap out of a guy than being with a woman. I don't know, don't care in particular. I'm young, I'll try to enjoy myself, I'll try and enjoy these wild impulses while they last, because who knows what'll come tomorrow, who knows when I'll wake up in the mirror a bitter fifty year old who wasted his youth.

I'll close with a question that's been bugging me lately: Why are girls more attractive when you realize they're not perfect, that they have dirty secrets? I know two girls like that, I don't understand it. You'd think the illusion would be more attractive, but... I want these flawed ferns.

The People on the Street
Walking down the street, I see the homeless, the refugees from the bomb, from what Sylar did. I see the few good Samaritans helping each other out, carrying boxes of canned goods and food to churches and shelters. I see a nervous man walking down the street, I hear on the news later that night that a convenience store was robbed on that street a few minutes after I walked through. I see stray dogs, feral and unafraid of humans due to being once domesticated, trying to ease their own pain and suffering while giving us one more reason to be afraid of the world.

I'm walking down the street, there's a dirty little girl asking for money, there's her father trying to hide in an alley. I give her ten dollars anyway. There's something ugly and something beautiful in every inch of this city. The ugly tries to devour the beautiful as the disease of pragmatism continues to spread like a plague. Soon everyone will be infected if we don't do something. People are trying to save the world... but they don't understand that there's no point in saving the world if we don't save ourselves.

Protagonists: S4EP14
I watched the latest episode of Protagonists, the season finale. Spoiler warning for anyone who hasn't seen it.

Patrick Pisani's brother, Norman Pisani, finally brought them back from the alternate dimension where Abel Garland had taken over the world and created some sort of unsettling peace, which involved the oppression of humans. It reminded me a little of House of M, except in this world, the People with Metahuman Traits, IE: The PMTs also had a minor bit of oppression opposed on them. I mean the whole world was computerized, use of Metahuman Traits were monitored, so I believe Abel Garland truly didn't trust anyone. This was just a straight world domination tactic.

I was surprised by Norman Pisani breaking his usually selfish character and pulling a completely altruistic move like throwing himself into the dimensional vortex, altering reality in such a way that he gives up his Megahuman Traits //and// his valued position as the Vice President to shift the world back to normal. I'm not sure why he had to sacrifice so much, but maybe deep down he just realized he was hurting everyone, maybe he //didn't// have to sacrifice himself. For once he thought about his own kind and the oppression they were going through. I mean he did orchestrate the PMT version of the secret police, planting government agents into organizations.

This really did rip off House of M a lot, though. Protagonists writers, you guys need more original ideas. Rumors on message boards suggest the next season might actually copy the decimation a bit, but I doubt it, that'd be //too// blatant.

And how hot is Ali Larter in her new role as Macy?

Selfish Adventures
I work on a costume very often, it's one I've never shown anyone, one I keep upgrading for reasons I'm not even sure of. I've never worn it, people would think I was insane if I went out in a costume and a mask. But I think about it, I think about putting on a mask, wearing a costume, busting into a window and punching guys in the face. I think about the impracticality of it, the consequences, and then I think about my normal life, a normal life I don't even mind really. I enjoy my life, I just get bored sometimes.

Other days I think "Why not?", I think "Why can't I do this? I have an ability, I have resources, I have skills." I don't know, I don't know who I'd be helping to just go out and kick someone in the face, I don't know if I'd really be making a difference slamming muggers against a wall every night. I'd get caught eventually, I'd get thrown in jail, or worse. I'd disappoint a lot of people, risking the opportunities I've been given in life just so I can chase a fantasy. But then I think... why is my life so ruled by what everyone else thinks? Why should I care if anyone approves? Put the fear of God into the city, knowing I could be knocking down the door to kick some guy's eye out. Knowing that there's criminals out there pissing their pants, afraid to go out and commit a crime because I've become an urban legend, like Batman. A symbol to give some people hope, a symbol to give some people fear.

I always remember, my reason for not doing it is because I'm worried about what everyone would think, knowing it's stupid, knowing they wouldn't approve.

And then I think, "Who gives a shit?"


Log in